Metal Slug - The answer to violence is always more violence.

This is the cool, collected character.

I first played this back on the old Neo-Geo arcade machines.  They had 3-4 games on them.  I have no idea what they are, because I never played them.  In passing, I caught sight of a Rambo caricature blasting quasi-Nazis with a flame thrower before leaping in to a stub-nosed tank with more guns then armor and blowing away giant mutant crabs.  Sixty tokens later, I had a new love.

I AM THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS

Metal Slug is an amazing work of old-school shoot-em-ups.  The storyline, while neat, isn't really needed.  Basically, you're the last line of hope, have a ton of guns, a sweet prototype tank, and a ocean of enemy troops to carve through.  It's also a somewhat hard game, as one hit is screaming, bloody death.  And you will die.  A lot.  However, that's almost part of the fun...

This...might not go well...

One of the things I love the very most about this game is the detail.  There's a hand-drawn love here that is all but dead in modern games.  backgrounds are deep, detailed and organic, bosses crack, peel, and shatter in stages, ending in showers of slime or broken, twisted metal.  Enemy troops, while somewhat monotonous, have real personalities.  Oh, and the bosses.  Oh momma the bosses.  They're huge, strong, unfair, and savage as hell.

This is the least complicated/huge boss you'll see.

No, it's not a very deep game, and it will probably have you punching the controller now and then, but it's a amazing series, each installment has something fresh to it, and after you get the hang of things you'll feel rather hardcore...right until an alien shoots you.  Also, this is NOT a game that takes itself seriously.  At all.  One level will have waves of combat mechs...the next, squid aliens and abducting pigs.

Awww CRAP.

Both the Wii and PS2 have big multi-game collections spanning most of the series that are amazingly faithful to the originals.  Grab up one, and channel your work and life related rage constructively.

Take THAT, old person who pays with a check!